‘This year I’m going to the gym. I’m cutting out sugar. I’m waking up early and I’m locking in. This year will be different’ is what I tell myself every year.
I put a lot of pressure on myself, because if I don’t fulfil my new years resolutions, then I’m a failure.
So every year the same thing happens- on the first of January I wake up early, go to the gym, bitterly walk past the biscuit section in Asda and to the veg section where I pick up a wrinkled pack of carrots and some glum looking blueberries.
Then I go to the gym, where I use the treadmill for about 40 minutes and then leave because there’s too many people and I feel overstimulated. I then hop on the bus, head back to my flat and make my lunch which usually consists of some type of salad and cheese.
You can probably imagine how the rest of the day goes- I go on a walk to get my steps in, make a hefty list and intricate vision board of my new years resolutions, do some online shopping where I spend 15 pounds on some vitamins which are supposed to ‘thicken your hair in three to six months’, and then go to sleep.
Essentially, I spend the day trying to rebrand myself. I want to become a different version of me, a better version, a more productive version. But what I don’t realise is that I’m losing myself in the process. I’m creating vision boards of girls with full lips and clear skin who don’t even look like me.
I’m stripping myself of the little things that bring me joy- sweet treats, sleeping in, spontaneous coffee runs.
I’m trying to become someone who I am not.
As you can imagine, this is not a sustainable mindset- two weeks into January and I’m burnt out. I’ve given in to my sugar cravings, I’m exhausted from all the early mornings and quite frankly I’m sick of the gym.
This is the toxicity of ‘new year new me’. We begin to pursue our new years resolutions not out of motivation, but out of pressure.
Instead of framing January as a time where we change, we should look at it as an opportunity where we can grow. Growth does not have to be loud or visible or aesthetic. Growth doesn’t necessarily mean waking up at 7am and going on a run. Growth can manifest itself in other ways- quieter ways. It can look like exercising weekly instead of daily or choosing sleep when our bodies need it.
Focusing on small, achievable objectives instead of bombarding ourselves with hundreds of goals and routines won’t only increase our likelihood of actually achieving them, but it will also improve our relationship with ourselves.
January doesn’t need to be a time for drastic change, and that’s okay. You don’t need to rebrand yourself overnight. You can move slowly, at your own pace, because January isn’t always a fresh start- it’s a continuation of who we are.