Urban Dictionary defines a ‘canon event’ as the following:
Canon Event: An event everyone must go through to keep the universe intact. Typically, this event has effects on character development.
Such events are no stranger to UoM students, with them taking on a particularly chaotic feel. Attending university in Manchester guarantees some inevitable experiences, and whilst you may have imagined your time here involving nights dancing down Canal Street and studying in the picture-perfect Christie cafe, this is also accompanied by the smaller, more turbulent ‘canon events’ that most UoM students will face. From near-death experiences with cyclists or being abandoned by a busy 143, these rites of passages keep the UoM universe intact and most definitely impact your character development.
1. Missing a 9am and swearing you won’t step foot in 256 again
Everyone’s been there. Maybe it was a one-time thing and this promise to yourself wasn’t an empty one. Or maybe you tell yourself this every Thursday morning, after waking up three hours late with your alarm pestering you and your course mates asking if you’re going to make it into uni. Either way, this canon event is a classic and despite your best intentions, it proves more reliable than your Thursday morning lecture.
2. Going to Sainsbury’s when you look your worst and seeing everyone you know
Following on (quite fittingly too), maybe it’s a Thursday afternoon and you’ve managed to drag yourself out of bed in need of a Lucozade and frozen pizza from Sainsbury’s. You reassure yourself that no one will see you, as you swap pyjamas for joggers and hoodie. It’s only as you make your way down the snack aisle and are greeted with everyone you have ever known that you realise the prior decision of not brushing your hair may have been the wrong one.
But by a cruel twist of fate, the days you do look presentable are the days you don’t see anyone. Maybe it’s a coincidence, or maybe it’s the fact that Sainsbury’s is a Fallowfield students hangover remedy. This one sweet-treat trip justifies spending the rest of the day in front of the TV.
3. The daily disappointment of a full 143 driving past you
The relief of seeing a yellow bus with a 4 on it is usually short-lived, as it’s often followed by the inevitable ‘Sorry, I’m full’ message reading across the top of it. There’s nothing quite like finishing a full day of uni, absolutely starving and your headphones surviving on their last 10%, only for the bus to decide you’re not getting home by 5pm. Bonus points if it’s raining.
4. The Co-op meal deal rush
12-2pm in Co-op is an every-man-for-themselves kind of situation. Every student packs tightly inside, squeezing past one another to ensure they’re not shafted with the dregs of the sandwich choices: Egg mayo. The smart ones embark on the trekto Oxford Road’s Tesco, while the rest of begrudgingly get in the queue with our third-choice wrap.
5. Death by bike
Moving to Manchester means you will need to adjust to a few things: finding your way around the city, getting used to the constant rain and discovering the best takeaway in Fallowfield are all part of the learning curve. However, one thing that no one warns you about is that there are bike lanes everywhere, and one wrong misstep could be detrimental.
Whilst it may appear easy enough to navigate, every now and then you will catch yourself almost becoming victim to a passing cyclist. The bike lanes in conjunction with the unpredictable buses and swarm of students (probably headed for Co-op) will make the simple walk to the library feel like its own mini obstacle course.
6. Going to Platt Fields Park on a run to ‘get your life together’
The end of another week rolls around, and you realise you’ve spent your whole weekly budget on meal deals, hangover cures and sweet treat trips. You’ve been ditched by the buses, have lectures to catch up on and so convince yourself that a 5k jog around Platt Fields will erase this series of unfortunate events. You will finish the run tired and out of breath, but as a fully reformed and organised model student again.
These canon events are inevitable: Sainsbury’s will humiliate you and Co-op will send you into overdrive. Ultimately, they are part of the little UoM universe and will have lasting impacts on your character as a result. Who knows, maybe even one day you will be nostalgic about almost getting run over by a bike!