I spent a large amount of my childhood being mute. I believe it was linked to anxiety, feeling like what I had to say wasn’t important and that I was constantly going to be taking up space. Although this lessened over time, I still had some of these feelings during my undergraduate studies.

However, I have, over the course of my time in Manchester found a place that allows me to be me – maybe not unsurprisingly, it’s the Library.

You’d think it’s obvious, after all I can just be silent in the Library; but more than that, my passion for the Library has encouraged me to step out of my silent comfort zone.

As a master’s student I have already lived through the first experiences in university. My favourite times were spent in the library, exploring shelves and shelves of journals and books. The noise of complete silence was like a weight being lifted from me. The stillness gave me the opportunity to take up as much space as I needed without the anxiety of showing too much of myself.

And it turned out Manchester is the perfect place for me.

With so many different libraries across campus, I was excited to take up space, to find my place.  

Main Library is where I feel most at home. Being able to go back in time as you become lost across the different parts of the building. Broken down into sections for easily navigation.  That’s not to say the silence and the size is not overwhelming. The Main Library is the biggest library I’ve even been in and at first it felt like a maze. I found comfort in my own silence, and the silence of the space itself, but I knew I couldn’t navigate it by myself.

And so, here’s where the Library space I love has helped me. Speaking to other students, finding common ground, and communicating my needs to the staff was something I needed to do to make the most of everything this space had to offer me. It made me feel vulnerable at first, but everyone was comforting and accommodating.

I had a friend show me to the original building. Large, open desks, adjacent to magnificent windows which stream in sunlight, I felt instantly at home.

I took in the seriousness of the atmosphere, with other students working diligently and I knew I was going to make this library space my home. And it is. I’m there as often as I can be. I feel confident and knowledgeable, calm and at one within myself.

Gone was the pressure I had been self-applying since I was a child, constantly worried about doing or saying anything wrong in any group setting. I had found myself a third space where I could connect with my peers, become lost in the wonders of my course work, and feel safe being truly quiet.

What being silent taught me about silence is the ability to accept environments that make me happy. To understand the importance of being a listener, but that voicing my own worries and asking questions is just as valuable.